I've had the time of my life

For me the gym is like the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca. I feel obligated to go if I have the oppurtunity and the means. Mainly if I have the day off or I can wake up before I have to go work and have enough to to go. Although I dont always abide by this standard I like to think of myself as somewhat consistant. As I went to day although I am now proceeding to get entirely fucked up for not apparent reason at least I have gone. I have at least done something at least remotely productive at some point. Sometimes I think everything with me would go better if there was someone else making all the important decesions. I dont know what the fuck im doing or am supposed to do and how to do it and thinking about it bewilders me even more. Who the fuck knows? But one thing I know is that I could in theory be doing a whole hell of a lot more then I am right now. FUck.