Ain't no time to hesitate and debate do it now

Failure is a terrible thing. A horrible feeling to have the persists long after the defeat has ouccurred. The vanquished may understand why they have lost and analyze the reasons for they're defeat but the sour taste of defeat lingers on. It has lingered on for over a hundred years in the south and spawned both a literary movement and a culture, as well as a seris of laws aimed at stripping away the rights of its black citizens. You can see it during the civil rights years when again many southern politicians argueing that by integrating school they were infringing on their 'rights.' In fact was reading in this book about the south and the Civil war Confederate in the attic this woman who was saying that slavery was 'not all that bad.' The woman was part of a group which wanted to preserve the confederate flag as its symbol. In some ways the strong rememberence of the war makes sense, it deveastated southern cities and towns reducing most of them to rubble. But at some point you would think they would move on, to change old attitude and streotypes.

I analayzed bombing operations, and how to make them more effiecent

Fuck. Fuck it all. Its all wholly fucked anyhow. I hate women. Hate them all. Hate that I want them hate that they exist hate the whole concept of human procreation and the desire to do so. Hate people in general for holding this tenet up to such high esteem. The moron's the fuckin idiots are reproducing at a far greater rate then anyone of intellectual merit is and the feeling is to throw in the towel. Woman are like that fuckin Vietcong and seeming more elusive by the mintue. I don't know what the fuck to do and my befuddlement is becoming more intense by the mintue. I feel like I am destined to be celibate that I will never truly understand. It is defeatist thinking but there is no one to communicate with so maybe it makes sense. I need to put myself out there and do something. I am having fucking dreams about this shit now and women and having a diesel girlfriend and all that. I know its possible i just need to unlock the possiability.

Its so rude to honk your horn

I was watching this movie on late at night a few weeks ago on tv. It was on from 2am to around 4am but I had to see how it ended. It was certainly well worth staying up for. It's called Mississippi Burning and it shows some of the most brutal, ugly downright evil side of the human character. It follows the exploits of two FBI agents Wilhem Dafoe and Gene Hackman who are sent down to Mississippi in 1964 to investigate the dissappearance of three civil rights workers from Chicago who were sent down to organize black voter registration. Dafoe and Hackman represent two characters seemingly at odds with each other; Dafoe an idealistic young agent from the justice department with a by the books attitude. Hackman a native Mississipian with a more unorthodox tough cop approach. At first Hackman's character seems more sympathtic to the Mississpian side constantly arguing with Dafoe. As they begin their investigation they both encounter suspicion and downright hostility from the local sheriff's office and from the people of the town in general. Also it becomes obvious that the deputy is an active member of the Klu klux Klan and likely a role in the dissapearance. For the first three quarters or so of the movie Dafoe tries all manner of conventional approaches, bringing in more agents, attempting to question the local black populace and the deputy and others. It soon becomes obvious that these tactics are inadequete to deal with the case, as witnesses are beaten, intimidated, houses and churches are burned and the complicity on the part of the local police and mayor becomes obvious. As I was watching this movie I became so pissed off so frusterated that these racist assholes seemed to have the other hand I almost wanted to turn it off but i had to see how it ended. Finally after disagreeing with Hackman for most of the movie Dafoe's charcter finally agrees to do things his way. First they bring in another agent from an unknown department who kipnaps the mayor and brings him to a shack. The agent a large African-American fellow tells the story of a boy from another town nearby who was castrated for looking a white woman. He then threatens to do the same to him if he doesn't tell him who was with the deputy that night. Also Hackmans finds out from the deputie's wife that he was involved. Slowly but surely the tide starts to turn as they get another Klan member of the posse to confess after revealing that his cohorts have already squealed. After they drive him around and ask him a few questions they drop him off in the black side of town. Hilarious. Thus through the use of several over unorthodox tactics they end up convicting most of the posse for civil rights violations. All and all it is a fascinating study of the dark side of humanity.

Always mystify, mislead and suprise the enemy

I was talking on IMs to this girl from Iowa recently when I had what I will call an interesting exchange. We had chatted a little bit before but had never really gone much beyond the standard superficial conversation. So we were chatting and she was telling me about how she was going to school to be a chef and all these normal things. Then I mentioned something about books about how I like to read. Then she asked me if I read the Bible. I said something like no why would I read the Bible. Then I said something like the Bible was interesting from a historical sense to which she replied 'The Bible is history.' It was at that point that I knew I was dealing with some kind of nut or extremist. I tried to steer the coversation away but in the end I could not resist the challenge. I asked her if she believed the earth was created in seven days and she said 'seven billion years doesn't exist' whatever the fuck that means. So in the end I found out she was one of those end timers who believe that rapture is coming and the apocalypse and sinner going to hell and all that fun stuff. I asked her why she believed in all this and she just said it was how she was raised and what she was told. She was clearly just parroting something that had been drilled into her head since youth. Needless to say it was somewhat dissapointing but I had to end the conversation shortly after. It seemed strange to me because she seemed like such a normal realtively cool person beforehand, yet the facade was just that. It was kind of like another incident I had with this girl Shanti who seemed really cool but turned out to have really horrible conservative beleifs also. Although she was also a complete psycho in general but the horrible beleifs did it for me. I think its just certain people who opinions are so far on the other side of the spectrum from each other that normal conversation is impossible.